OCTOBER 26, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nepotism and Mismanagement at NYC Elections Board. Impact: The NYC Elections Board's penchant for slacking off while collecting a paycheck led to the rise of conspiracy theories about election rigging. Who knew that an afternoon binge-watch session could pave the way for a TikTok trend about 'voter fraud'?. Fact: Did you know that Netflix has a higher viewership in government offices than actual productivity? Shocking, right?.
• Headline: Navigating Change in Minneapolis: A Dual Role. Impact: The dual identity of coach and cop in Minneapolis became a meme about being a 'man of the people.' This led to the rise of countless social media influencers claiming to be 'life coaches' while doing absolutely nothing to help society.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Everyday people trying to make change' is just code for 'people who are tired of their day jobs but still want to be heroes on Instagram.'.
• Headline: Black Senate Candidates Challenge Southern Democrats. Impact: The call for Democrats to 'meet the moment' not only energized Black Senate candidates but also inspired a new trend of politicians donning capes at rallies, believing they could literally save the day. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that 'meeting the moment' is just another way of saying 'please vote for me so I can have a nice office with a view'?.
• Headline: How the Virus Slowed the Booming Wind Energy Business. Impact: As the virus slowed the wind energy business, it ironically led to a surge in memes about 'blowing hot air,' thus ruining the reputations of wind turbines everywhere. Who knew a pandemic could be so punny?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing slower than the wind energy business during a pandemic is my internet connection when I try to stream a documentary about it?.
• Headline: Colleges Slash Budgets in the Pandemic, With ‘Nothing Off-Limits’. Impact: Colleges slashing budgets during the pandemic made students realize that their degrees might not be worth the paper they're printed on—literally. This led to a new wave of 'alternative education' where people just watch YouTube tutorials on how to fix their own lives.. Fact: Did you know that cutting liberal arts departments is a great way to ensure future generations will only know how to make TikToks and not actual art?.