OCTOBER 13, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pharma Profits from Covid-19 Vaccines. Impact: The vaccine profits led to a financial arms race among pharmaceutical companies, causing a future reality where drug prices are so high that people barter their vintage vinyl collections for a single dose. Welcome to the barter economy, folks!. Fact: Did you know that the pharmaceutical industry has lobbyists so powerful they could convince you that broccoli is a dangerous drug? Well, it’s practically true!.
• Headline: Companies Extend Remote Work Through Summer. Impact: The mass exodus to home offices triggered a nationwide 'work-from-home' trend so strong that in 10 years, office buildings are turned into luxury condos. Who needs a cubicle when you can have a rooftop pool?. Fact: Did you know that in the future, the term 'office' will be remembered as a mythical place where people wore pants? What a concept!.
• Headline: Seattle's Restaurant Scene During Crisis. Impact: The crushing weight of the news cycle helped develop a new genre of 'Emergency Dining' where restaurants cater to the anxiety-ridden with dishes named after recent disasters. The 'Wildfire Wok' and 'Protest Pita' become hits!. Fact: Did you know that Seattle's restaurant scene was so vibrant that when it closed, even the coffee felt sad? It was a dark time for espresso enthusiasts..
• Headline: The Marc Jacobs Whisperer. Impact: Nick Newbold’s documentary on the life of Marc Jacobs became so popular that in 20 years, every designer has a personal assistant documenting their lives, leading to the rise of the reality TV fashion assistant genre. Thank you, reality TV!. Fact: Did you know that if you ever feel unimportant, just remember that someone out there is filming a documentary about their boss's coffee order?.
• Headline: Jeff Bezos’ Company Is Carrying Scientific Cargo to Space. It’s Not Amazon.. Impact: By focusing on scientific cargo, Blue Origin inadvertently leads to a future where space travel becomes so routine that people complain about the food selection on board. 'Why can't we get artisanal space sandwiches?'. Fact: Did you know that one day, space tourists will complain about the lack of Wi-Fi on interstellar flights, because apparently, the universe has a spotty connection?.