OCTOBER 6, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pandemic Challenges for Women in Academia. Impact: As female faculty were pushed to the brink, a secret society of overworked academics formed. They eventually invented a time machine to escape the 21st century, leading to the Renaissance 2.0—where women dominated the sciences and art, but forgot how to do laundry.. Fact: Did you know that women in academia have been fighting for equality since the dawn of time? It's like an endless game of Whac-A-Mole, except the moles are systemic barriers..
• Headline: Trade Negotiator Shifts Stance on China. Impact: Lighthizer's pivot from critic to defender triggered a chain reaction that led to a secret handshake between U.S. and Chinese trade officials. This handshake was so powerful it inadvertently created the first intercontinental trade dance-off, forever altering international relations.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Defender' in trade negotiations is just a fancy way of saying 'I’m trying really hard not to upset anyone while still getting my paycheck.'.
• Headline: Colombia's War Through Literature. Impact: Klay's novel sparked a global trend of authors becoming accidental historians. In a bizarre twist, book clubs worldwide began to believe they could solve real-world conflicts through literary analysis, leading to a series of failed peace treaties—each signed with a book recommendation.. Fact: Colombia has been embroiled in conflict for so long that their history could fill a library... if only they could find a quiet spot to read amidst the chaos..
• Headline: Does an Intellectual History of the Trump Era Exist? It Does Now. Impact: The existence of an intellectual history of the Trump era led to a sudden influx of conspiracy theories as people scrambled to interpret every tweet and press conference. It also paved the way for a new genre of literature: 'Post-Trump Fantasy'—where unicorns rule and logic is optional.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'intellectual history' is often used to describe things that make your head hurt while pretending to make you smarter. Kind of like kale..
• Headline: Britain Is Getting Ready for Its Space Race. Impact: Britain's new space race inadvertently caused a rise in British accents in sci-fi films, leading to an influx of confused aliens who thought they’d landed in a Shakespearean drama instead of a space opera.. Fact: Did you know that before Brexit, the UK was just mildly interested in space? Now, they’re ready to colonize Mars—if only they could figure out how to launch a rocket without a 5-hour debate..