OCTOBER 5, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Biden's Health Scrutiny Post-Trump Interaction. Impact: Biden's health saga triggered a nationwide obsession with political health, leading to a future where every candidate must carry a health report card. By 2030, presidential debates include a segment called 'Health Check: The Real Issue!'. Fact: In 2020, testing negative for a virus became the political equivalent of a gold star in kindergarten. 'Good job, Joe! Now, don’t touch any doorknobs!'.
• Headline: Covering Elderly Leaders' Health Issues. Impact: The struggle for basic health information about elderly leaders paved the way for a new political party: The Health-Conscious Party, where candidates must jog on stage while discussing policy. Spoiler: They never win.. Fact: The average American spends more time Googling their politician's health than they do reading their policies. Talk about priorities!.
• Headline: Trump's Hospital Outing Sparks Health Concerns. Impact: Trump's attempts to project health led to the rise of a new genre of political theatre, resulting in a Broadway musical called 'The Hospital Bed Chronicles,' featuring actors in hospital gowns singing about the real struggles of political transparency.. Fact: Surprise outings from the hospital became a trend, inspiring politicians to hold press conferences from their bathtubs. 'I’m just here to let you know I’m fine!'.
• Headline: The One Name the W.N.B.A. Won’t Say. Impact: The W.N.B.A. players’ revolt against a sitting senator sparked a national trend where professional athletes began influencing politics, eventually leading to a reality show called 'Ballers in Politics' where they debate while shooting hoops.. Fact: The W.N.B.A. has more political influence than most think. They could probably run for office and guarantee a brighter future, or at least a better three-point percentage..