SEPTEMBER 27, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Poll Reveals Voter Sentiment on Court Vacancies. Impact: If only 56% of voters knew that their opinions would set off a chain reaction leading to the most contentious Supreme Court nominations in history! Who would've thought a poll could send ripples through the judicial system for decades? Next, they'll want a say in who gets to pick the colors of the court robes.. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate universe, voters are just asked to fill out a survey on their favorite ice cream flavors instead of judicial nominations? Much less contentious, but no sprinkles of justice..
• Headline: Children Forced to Work Amidst Pandemic. Impact: As children return to the workforce, we can thank Covid-19 for the resurgence of child labor. A few more years of this, and we might see a sequel to 'Oliver Twist' starring a bunch of kids working from home. Just wait for the Netflix adaptation!. Fact: Fun fact: Child labor laws are weirdly similar to the rules for getting into a really exclusive club. Both have very strict entry requirements that are often ignored by those who want to make a quick buck..
• Headline: Mets Transition from Wilpon Control. Impact: Fred Wilpon's turbulent reign over the Mets not only shifted the team’s fate but also inspired a whole genre of 'What-If' podcasts. Imagine if Madoff had just stuck to running a legitimate business—there might be fewer sad Mets fans today!. Fact: Did you know that the Mets have been known as the 'lovable losers' for so long that they might as well trademark the phrase? At this point, it’s practically their brand..
• Headline: Ransomware Attacks Take On New Urgency Ahead of Vote. Impact: Ransomware attacks before an election? Perfect! Because nothing says 'democracy' quite like cybercriminals trying to hijack the voting process. Who knew that voting would become a game of digital hide-and-seek?. Fact: Did you know that the original idea for elections involved candidates sending their top hat to the voters? So much simpler than hacking—unless, of course, you have a really sneaky hat..
• Headline: Trump Wants to Discredit the Election. This Nerd Could Stop Him.. Impact: If this 'nerd' manages to stop Trump from discrediting the election, he may just become the unlikely hero of democracy. Future historians will write epic poems about him—'The Tale of the Wonk Who Saved the Vote.'. Fact: Did you know that nerds are basically the modern-day superheroes? All they need is a cape! Or maybe just a strong Wi-Fi connection and an extensive library of political science books..