SEPTEMBER 21, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: TikTok Deal and Security Concerns. Impact: The lack of a coherent China strategy leads to the eventual creation of an entirely new app based on TikTok, but instead of dance challenges, it’s just a platform for sharing conspiracy theories about how cats are actually aliens.. Fact: Did you know that TikTok was originally called Douyin in China? So much for global branding; good luck explaining that one at the marketing meeting!.
• Headline: Supreme Court Seat Showdown Ahead of Election. Impact: The battle over the Supreme Court seat leads to the formation of a secret society of political strategists who meet in basements to plot ways to make elections even more entertaining—think 'Survivor: Capitol Hill Edition'.. Fact: Fun fact: The Supreme Court has nine justices, which is one more than the number of times Congress has agreed on anything since 2008!.
• Headline: Trump's Media Influence Under Scrutiny. Impact: Zucker's departure from CNN triggers a bizarre alternate reality where Trump becomes a serious historian, leading to a series of bestselling books on how to hold a press conference while simultaneously avoiding reality.. Fact: It’s rumored that the only thing Trump knows about history is how to rewrite it—his favorite subject is 'Always Me 101'..
• Headline: The Met Opera Fired James Levine, Citing Sexual Misconduct. He Was Paid $3.5 Million.. Impact: The scandal leads to a renaissance of opera, where artists now sing about workplace ethics instead of tragic love stories, resulting in a new genre: 'Ethical Opera'—coming soon to a theater near you, or not.. Fact: James Levine was a conductor, but ironically, his downfall had nothing to do with the music—turns out, not all conductors can keep their personal symphonies in tune..
• Headline: Emmy Show Reinvents Itself, but Keeps the Stale Parts. Impact: The Emmys' attempt at reinvention leads to a global trend where awards shows are replaced by social media polls, resulting in a future where the 'Best Reality TV Show' is determined by a TikTok dance-off.. Fact: Did you know that the Emmys are basically a fancy way to give awards to people for pretending to be other people? It's like Halloween, but with a much higher budget!.