SEPTEMBER 6, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Secrets of Long Island Shark Fishermen. Impact: Little did those shark fishermen know that their exploits would inspire a future generation of reality TV stars, leading to a boom in absurd fishing shows where the biggest catch is actually just a big fat lie.. Fact: Shark fishing might seem cool, but let’s be real—it's just a fancy way of saying 'I like to make fish bleed for Instagram likes.'.
• Headline: Pandemic Resurgence in College Towns. Impact: The college town pandemic spike inadvertently led to the creation of the 'Zoom University' phenomenon, where students never really leave their homes, and pajamas become the official school uniform.. Fact: Remember when college was all about socializing? Now it’s just a glorified Netflix binge with a side of student loans..
• Headline: Biden's Strategy Against Trump's Challenges. Impact: Biden's strategy of racial polarization could be seen as the spark that ignited a thousand Twitter threads, where everyone suddenly became an armchair political analyst and decided that they could do better.. Fact: Political campaigns are basically just high-stakes popularity contests, but with less fun and more angry tweets..
• Headline: Review: In ‘Three Kings,’ Hot Priest Sheds His Cassock. Impact: The play 'Three Kings' could be the beginning of a new genre: 'Therapy Theatre,' where audiences pay to watch their family drama unfold on stage instead of in their living rooms.. Fact: Hot priests may shed their cassocks, but they never shed the burden of awkward family gatherings—just like the rest of us!.
• Headline: Joe Biden’s China Journey. Impact: Biden's transformation from trade advocate to dictatorship denouncer might just be the plot twist that future historians will use to argue that politicians are like fine wine—sometimes, they just need to age poorly.. Fact: Bipartisan agreement on trade is as rare as finding a unicorn—good luck with that one!.