AUGUST 30, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Taiwan Strengthens Defense Against China. Impact: Taiwan's military revamp sparks a chain reaction, leading to an arms race that results in the invention of the world's most advanced rubber chicken—because obviously, that's what we need for world peace.. Fact: Did you know that Taiwan's military spends more on defense than on bubble tea? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Colleges Innovate for Pandemic Solutions. Impact: Colleges become testing grounds, leading to the eventual rise of 'coronavirus chic'—where students don masks as fashion statements and hand sanitizer becomes the new must-have accessory.. Fact: Fun fact: The average college student now spends more time on tracking apps than on actual studying. Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: Urban Exodus: Suburban Demand Soars. Impact: The suburban exodus leads to a shortage of avocado toast in cities, causing hipsters to revolt. This sparks a movement for urban farming on rooftops—which, of course, only serves to raise rent prices even higher.. Fact: Did you know that New York's population density is only rivaled by the number of coffee shops per block? Now that's what I call competition!.
• Headline: Breonna Taylor’s Life Was Changing. Then the Police Came to Her Door.. Impact: Breonna Taylor's tragic death ignites a global movement, causing every government to reconsider their police practices—only to realize they were too busy arguing about the color of their ties to actually do anything.. Fact: Did you know that Breonna's story became a catalyst for change, proving that sometimes it takes tragedy to wake people up from their political slumber?.
• Headline: Preaching Equality, Start-Up Didn’t Practice It With Employees. Impact: The hypocrisy of the start-up culture leads to an explosion of 'authentic' companies that promise equality but deliver exclusive brunch invitations instead—because nothing says 'we value diversity' like a $15 avocado toast.. Fact: Surprise! In Silicon Valley, 'equality' is just code for 'let's all get together and complain about how hard it is to find parking.'.