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HEADLINES ON July 30, 2020
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- Headline: Submarine Officer's Beatles Farewell. Impact: In a parallel universe, the submarine officer becomes the frontman for the world's first underwater rock band, leading to the invention of waterproof guitars and the subaqueous music festival circuit. Who knew the ocean was the ultimate music venue?. Fact: Columbia University has produced more billionaires than actual submarines in the Atlantic. Talk about a sinking feeling!.
- Headline: Racism in America: A Televised Dialogue. Impact: The televised reconciliation ignites a new genre of reality TV called 'Crisis Confessions,' where people confront their deepest flaws for fame and fortune, leading to the rise of 'Therapists Who Cry on Camera.'. Fact: Oprah's couch is now a designated national therapy site, drawing crowds larger than some music festivals. Who needs catharsis when you have ratings?.
- Headline: A Half-Century After Wallace, Trump Echoes the Politics of Division. Impact: Trump's echo of Wallace's divisive politics inspires a new generation of 'Law and Order' themed escape rooms, where participants must solve the mystery of unity—spoiler alert: they never escape.. Fact: George Wallace once ran for president while eating a sandwich. At least he had his priorities straight, unlike most politicians today..