JULY 24, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: A.O.C.'s Bold Stand Against Sexism. Impact: A.O.C.'s fiery speech ignited a wave of feminist outrage that not only reshaped Congress but also sparked a global movement where Congress members now have to take gender sensitivity training and consider adopting cats as emotional support animals. Who knew a vulgarity could lead to more fur in the workplace?. Fact: Did you know that Congress has more rules about how to dress than how to treat each other? Apparently, a well-tailored suit is more important than basic human decency!.
• Headline: Tensions Rise Over Nord Stream 2 Pipeline. Impact: The completion of the Nord Stream 2 pipeline led to an energy showdown that made Cold War tensions look like a friendly game of hopscotch. Little did they know, this pipeline would kick off a series of memes about gas prices that would haunt social media for decades.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'pipelines' has become synonymous with political drama, proving that whether it’s oil or gas, the real fuel is always tension..
• Headline: New York's Progressive Legislative Shift. Impact: The ascendance of New York's liberal legislature prompted other states to consider their own political makeovers, leading to a nationwide trend where every state has to hold a 'Who Can Be More Progressive?' contest, complete with glitter and awkward speeches.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'progressive insurgent' sounds way cooler than it really is? It's basically just a hipster with a clipboard and a dream..
• Headline: How One of America’s Whitest Cities Became the Center of B.L.M. Protests. Impact: Portland's protests became a blueprint for how to protest while maintaining a strong avocado toast economy, leading to a bizarre phenomenon where cities across America now compete for who can be the most 'woke' while drinking overpriced lattes.. Fact: Spoiler alert: Portland is often referred to as the whitest city in America, which makes their B.L.M. protests feel like a group of penguins trying to understand the plight of flamingos..
• Headline: Living With Edmund White. Impact: Edmund White's survival story inspired countless others, leading to a renaissance in LGBTQ+ literature where authors began to incorporate heart attacks and HIV into their plotlines, creating a new genre called 'Dramedy of the Vulnerable.'. Fact: Fun fact: Surviving a heart attack is now considered a rite of passage in the literary community, almost as mandatory as attending overpriced writing workshops..