JULY 22, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pandemic Impact on Factory Jobs Explained. Impact: The lack of factory jobs in the U.S. due to the pandemic triggered a series of unfortunate events that ultimately led to a global shortage of toilet paper. Yes, you heard that right. If only those factories had reopened, we might have avoided the great TP crisis of 2020. Who knew factory jobs were the key to bathroom supplies?. Fact: Did you know that during the pandemic, people hoarded toilet paper like it was the last loaf of bread on earth? Nothing screams 'apocalypse' like a shopping cart full of bathroom tissue..
• Headline: Closure of Houston Consulate Amid Tensions. Impact: The closure of the Houston consulate sparked a diplomatic tug-of-war that eventually led to an international game of 'who can steal the most trade secrets'. Spoiler alert: it was never about the secrets, but who could make the best memes about it.. Fact: Fun fact: Diplomatic closures are basically the adult version of saying, 'We’re not friends anymore!' while slamming the door in someone’s face..
• Headline: Joseph Boulogne: A Musical Legacy. Impact: Joseph Boulogne's fight to reclaim his identity led to an unprecedented resurgence in classical music appreciation, resulting in a time where orchestras were filled with hipsters wearing berets and sipping artisanal coffees—much to the confusion of the original composers.. Fact: Did you know that calling Boulogne 'Black Mozart' was like calling Shakespeare 'that guy who wrote those plays'? The man had a name, people!.
• Headline: U.S. Northeast, Pummeled in the Spring, Now Stands Out in Virus Control. Impact: The Northeast's turnaround in virus control became a model for future pandemics. It also inspired a new trend: long-winded Zoom meetings where everyone pretended to be experts on public health, despite having no medical training whatsoever.. Fact: Did you know that the Northeast's transition from the worst to the best at virus control could probably be a Netflix series? 'From Hot Mess to Hero' sounds like it would win all the awards..
• Headline: In Electric Car Market, It’s Tesla and a Jumbled Field of Also-Rans. Impact: Tesla's dominance in the electric car market inspired traditional carmakers to panic and throw money at electric vehicle development, leading to a future where every car looks like a spaceship and sounds like a blender. Buckle up, folks!. Fact: Did you know that traditional car companies were so late to the electric party that even their own grandmas were calling them out on social media? Talk about a bad PR move!.