JULY 11, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Preventing Eviction: Essential Steps to Take. Impact: The moment someone learned how to prevent their own eviction, a butterfly flapped its wings in a distant realm, causing a chain reaction that led to the invention of the inflatable couch — the ultimate refuge for those who just can't deal with adulting.. Fact: Did you know that the average eviction takes around 5 minutes? Just enough time to realize you forgot to pack your favorite snacks..
• Headline: Harvard’s Impact on First-Gen Students. Impact: The debate over Harvard's campus sparked a revolution in educational reform. In a parallel universe, students started attending classes in their pajamas, leading to the invention of the 'Zoom University' where nobody ever really graduates.. Fact: Fun fact: Harvard's campus is so iconic that even the ghosts of past students refuse to leave. They’re just hanging around for the wifi..
• Headline: New Yorkers Unite Against Hunger Crisis. Impact: As New Yorkers banded together to fight hunger, a ripple effect was felt worldwide. Suddenly, soup kitchens were the new hot spot, and people began asking for 'soup selfies' — a trend that led to the rise of social media influencers who only promote canned beans.. Fact: Did you know that the world's first food bank was established in Arizona? It’s true! Apparently, they ran out of ideas and thought ‘why not just give away food?’.
• Headline: Georgia. Ohio. Texas. Democrats Tell Biden to Go Big (He’s Being Cautious).. Impact: Democrats urging Biden to 'go big' might have accidentally set off a cosmic chain reaction leading to a parallel reality where everyone votes for the Time Lord instead — because time travel and political promises are equally reliable.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, 'going big' usually means increasing taxes on the 'other guy'? It’s like a game of Monopoly, but with real consequences!.
• Headline: ‘I Couldn’t Do Anything’: The Virus and an E.R. Doctor’s Suicide. Impact: Dr. Lorna Breen's tragic story led to a profound increase in mental health awareness in medical professions. In an alternate timeline, her legacy inspired the creation of mandatory self-care days, where doctors are required to binge-watch their favorite shows — because healing starts with ‘Netflix and chill’!. Fact: It's a sobering thought, but 1 in 5 healthcare workers experiences depression. Now imagine if they were treated like the superheroes they are — capes included!.