JULY 9, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: New York's Vision for a Biking Future. Impact: If they actually succeed, hipsters in Brooklyn will start a mass exodus to the suburbs, believing they can find the 'authentic' biking experience by moving to a place without traffic lights. The increase in artisanal bike repair shops will lead to a nationwide shortage of flannel shirts.. Fact: Did you know that New York's traffic is so bad that one time a pigeon was caught taking a nap in the middle of the street? True story..
• Headline: Biden's Buy American Speech Explained. Impact: This speech may set off a new trend where politicians start borrowing ideas from each other’s slogans, leading to a future where we have President Kardashian's 'Keep It Fabulous' economic plan. The economy could either boom or just become a series of selfies.. Fact: Did you know that 'Build Back Better' was actually the original tagline for a group of disgruntled Lego enthusiasts?.
• Headline: Review: ‘P-Valley’ Has All the Right Moves. Impact: If 'P-Valley' becomes a cultural touchstone, we could eventually see a resurgence of strip clubs as venues for serious artistic expression, leading to the creation of 'The Pulitzer Prize for Adult Entertainment'.. Fact: Did you know that 'P-Valley' was almost titled 'P-lease, it's just a job'? Now that would have been an interesting marketing campaign!.