JULY 2, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Berkshire's Troubling German Acquisition. Impact: If Berkshire Hathaway had not been snookered, Warren Buffett might have invested in a different pipe maker who invented a time machine instead. Suddenly, everyone would be using time travel to fix their investment blunders rather than learning from them.. Fact: Warren Buffett once said that 'it takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.' Guess he should've stuck to investing in companies with actual profits instead of fake sales..
• Headline: Impact of Fraud on Unemployment Relief. Impact: The fraudulent jobless claims led to a massive overhaul of the welfare system. Eventually, this inspired a new genre of reality TV shows where contestants compete to see who can file the most ridiculous claims. Spoiler: everyone loses.. Fact: In the time it takes to process a legitimate jobless claim, you could binge-watch an entire season of a show about scammers and still have time left for a snack break. Who needs efficiency, right?.
• Headline: Navigating Parenthood in the Pandemic Economy. Impact: The decision that you can have a kid or a job but not both sparked a new movement called 'The Parent Paradox.' This led to a series of protests where parents juggled children and laptops, proving that chaos is indeed a viable work-life balance.. Fact: The economy has officially declared working parents inessential. But don't worry, your Netflix subscription is still considered a top priority..
• Headline: Tesla Shines During the Pandemic as Other Automakers Struggle. Impact: Tesla's resilience during the pandemic led to a global obsession with electric cars. In an alternate timeline, gas stations are replaced with charging cafes where latte art is made from battery acid. Yum.. Fact: Tesla's CEO once tweeted that 'the only thing more powerful than a Tesla is a Tesla with a meme.' So, if you thought your car was just a vehicle, think again—it's actually a viral marketing campaign..