JUNE 26, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Younger Adults Driving Virus Transmission Rates. Impact: As the virus surged among the youth, a secret society of asymptomatic party-goers emerged, inadvertently starting the trend of social distancing dance-offs — a phenomenon that would lead to the invention of virtual rave parties by 2025.. Fact: Did you know that in the early 2000s, young people were actually blamed for the decline of social skills? Looks like they really took that to heart by just becoming asymptomatic super-spreaders instead!.
• Headline: Teen Girls Leading the Justice Movement. Impact: The fight for justice by these teen girls sparked a global movement that eventually led to the creation of a reality show titled 'Activism: The Next Generation,' which ironically became more popular than the issues they were trying to solve.. Fact: Fun fact: The first protest was actually just a group of teenagers trying to get their favorite band to play at their school. Activism has really come a long way since then!.
• Headline: The Rise of Doomsday Bunkers. Impact: As doomsday bunkers gained popularity, they inadvertently became the ultimate trend for hipster retreats, leading to a surge in avocado toast recipes specifically designed for underground living.. Fact: Did you know that the original idea for a bunker was actually just a really pessimistic real estate agent's pitch? 'Why buy a house when you could invest in a hole in the ground?'.
• Headline: Biden Is Getting a Lot of Advice on His V.P. Here’s What Voters Think.. Impact: Biden's VP decision-making process became a convoluted political circus, leading to the rise of a new political party called 'The Misfits,' which promised to govern solely based on viral TikTok trends.. Fact: Did you know that political advice has historically been given in smoke signals and carrier pigeons? At least now we just have Twitter arguments, which are way more entertaining!.
• Headline: How One Shoreline Took the Lives of 7 Young People. Impact: The tragedy of the seven young lives lost along the shoreline prompted a nationwide rethink about beach safety, resulting in mandatory lifeguard apprenticeship programs — which ironically turned into a summer camp for future lifeguards who never actually learned to swim.. Fact: It's a little-known fact that the first lifeguard was actually just a beachgoer who got tired of watching others struggle. A true hero in a red swimsuit!.