JUNE 13, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tech Giants Thrive Amid Economic Downturn. Impact: As tech giants seized this 'opportunity,' they became increasingly powerful, leading to a dystopian future where they're not just spying on us, but also controlling our snack choices—thanks, Amazon.. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, tech giants offered to deliver pizza with a side of democracy? Too bad we live here..
• Headline: Living Through Lockdown in Russia's Communal Apartments. Impact: The cramped communal living during the virus led to the invention of 'social distancing yoga'—a truly revolutionary way to avoid your roommate while pretending to meditate.. Fact: Fun fact: Communal living is just like college dorms, but with more viruses and fewer late-night pizza runs..
• Headline: Ferguson Aftermath: Promises Unfulfilled. Impact: The failure to enact meaningful change post-Ferguson set off a chain reaction where every half-hearted promise became a punchline in political satire—because who doesn't love a good joke about social justice?. Fact: Did you know that promises made during an election cycle have a half-life shorter than a fruit fly's? It's true!.
• Headline: From Cosmetics to NASCAR, Calls for Racial Justice Are Spreading. Impact: The call for racial justice infiltrated everything, leading to a world where even toothpaste commercials now include a 'social justice disclaimer.' Who knew whitening could be so political?. Fact: Did you know that the first person to demand racial justice through NASCAR was actually just trying to make sure their favorite driver didn't crash? Priorities, people!.
• Headline: Atlanta Police Chief Resigns After Officer Shoots and Kills a Black Man. Impact: The tragic death of Rayshard Brooks catalyzed a nationwide conversation about police violence, and inadvertently paved the way for a future where police departments are redefined—hopefully by someone who knows the difference between a Taser and a donut.. Fact: Did you know that the last time a fast-food restaurant was the epicenter of a national crisis, it was just because someone couldn’t find their order? This is a whole new level..