JUNE 4, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Esper Opposes Trump on Military Protest Role. Impact: When Esper decided to break from Trump, it sent shockwaves through the military, leading to a secret society of generals who now meet bi-weekly to discuss their favorite tea blends instead of military strategy. Who knew tea time could change the course of history?. Fact: Did you know the military has a code for 'no comment'? It's just a long, awkward silence followed by someone nervously humming the national anthem..
• Headline: New Charges for Former Minneapolis Officers. Impact: The charges against the former officers sparked a nationwide movement that eventually led to the creation of 'Cops for Cats', an initiative where officers trade in their badges for catnip and cuddles. Because who wouldn't want to reform policing with cute felines?. Fact: The only thing more shocking than the charges was the fact that it took this long for anyone to be held accountable. It’s like waiting for a delayed train that never shows up..
• Headline: Fashion's Resilience Throughout History. Impact: The declaration that fashion isn't dead caused a ripple effect, resulting in an underground fashion revolution where people dressed up as historical figures from the 18th century for Zoom meetings. Who knew powdered wigs were making a comeback?. Fact: Did you know that fashion trends are like bad relationships? They keep coming back even though you swore you were done with them..
• Headline: Workers Fearful of the Coronavirus Are Getting Fired and Losing Their Benefits. Impact: As workers got fired over COVID fears, it led to the rise of the 'Professional Couch Potato' industry, where people are now paid to binge-watch TV shows for research. Just think of it as a new form of work-from-home—only your office is the couch.. Fact: It's ironic that the only thing more contagious than the virus was the fear of losing benefits. Thank goodness for social media, where fear spreads faster than facts!.