MAY 29, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Border Wall Land Acquisition Intensifies. Impact: In a twist of fate, the border wall not only failed to keep immigrants out but also turned into an unexpected tourist attraction, leading to the rise of 'Wallside Cafés' serving overpriced nachos and selfies. Who knew a wall could be so... Instagrammable?. Fact: Did you know that for every mile of wall built, a group of hipsters somewhere began crafting artisanal wall-themed merchandise? Because nothing says 'America' quite like a handcrafted 'Keep Out' sign..
• Headline: Finding Joy in Solitude During Lockdown. Impact: The lockdown made introverts the unexpected heroes of society, leading to a future where introversion is celebrated with national 'Stay Inside' holidays. Social butterflies now schedule their 'outdoor time' just like a dentist appointment.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Loving the Lockdown' was actually coined by a cat who, after realizing their human was stuck at home, decided to finally demand the attention they deserved..
• Headline: Rethinking Hands-On Learning in Museums. Impact: Museums, once centers of hands-on learning, pivoted to virtual experiences, inadvertently launching a new trend where people realized they could also learn from their couches. The future of education? A comfy chair and a Wi-Fi connection.. Fact: Did you know that some museums tried to replace tactile exhibits with virtual reality, which only resulted in visitors bumping into walls while pretending to 'touch' ancient artifacts? History has never been so... painful..
• Headline: The President Versus the Mods. Impact: Trump’s Twitter tantrums sparked a newfound appreciation for fact-checkers, leading to a dramatic rise in demand for 'truth police' in the future, where citizens pay for premium services to filter out misinformation from their social media feeds.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason Twitter fact-checked Trump was that even their algorithm was tired of his nonsense? It’s like teaching a cat to fetch—some things are just not meant to be..
• Headline: Google Rescinds Offers to Thousands of Contract Workers. Impact: Google's decision to rescind offers led to an unforeseen surge in the gig economy, resulting in the rise of freelance 'Google Rejection' consultants who now advise people on how to gracefully decline job offers. Job-hunting has become an art form!. Fact: Did you know that after Google rescinded those offers, thousands of contract workers banded together to form a 'We Were Almost Hired' support group? They meet weekly to discuss their feelings and share tips on how to pretend they’re busy..