MAY 26, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Virus-Hunter Battles Own Underestimated Virus. Impact: When a virus hunter catches a virus, it sends shockwaves through the scientific community. Suddenly, every researcher begins wearing bubble wrap, and the phrase 'trust your gut' is banned from lab meetings. This leads to a global shortage of hand sanitizer and an overabundance of conspiracy theories about the effectiveness of garlic.. Fact: Peter Piot co-discovered the Ebola virus. But who knew a virus could have such a sense of irony?.
• Headline: The Resurgence of MOOCs in Education. Impact: The revival of MOOCs sparks a worldwide obsession with online learning, leading to a future where everyone has a degree in 'Procrastination Studies' and 'Advanced Cat Video Analysis'. This eventually causes a shortage of actual human interaction and skyrockets the use of meme-based communication.. Fact: MOOCs were once thought to be the savior of education. Now they're just a convenient excuse to avoid doing actual work..
• Headline: Economic Free Fall During California Lockdown. Impact: The economic free fall in California serves as a cautionary tale for future generations. In 2040, people will be saying, 'Remember when California was a thing?' as they reminisce about the good old days of overpriced avocado toast and beach parties.. Fact: California's economy is so volatile that even the weather is starting to charge rent..
• Headline: Campaigning in a Crisis: Obama, McCain and the 2008 Meltdown. Impact: The 2008 meltdown teaches future politicians the importance of crisis management. Fast forward to 2024, and every candidate is just a crisis away from victory, leading to a bizarre new norm where debates are held in emergency shelters.. Fact: Obama and McCain's responses during the crisis were so pivotal that future historians will argue it was less about policy and more about who could do a better impression of a calm leader in a storm..
• Headline: China’s Young Struggle for Jobs in the Post-Outbreak Era. Impact: China's struggle for jobs leads to a workforce so competitive that job applications come with a side of karaoke performances. This ultimately results in a global trend where singing skills become a prerequisite for employment, leading to a world where everyone is overly qualified to belt out 'I Will Survive'.. Fact: The irony of China's job struggles is that they're still better at producing goods than they are at producing job opportunities. Who knew?.