MAY 21, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Midland's Flooding Challenge During a Pandemic. Impact: The flooding in Michigan caused people to realize that nature doesn't care about your social distancing plans. This led to the invention of the inflatable life raft, which was ultimately used for fun at beach parties, but also made a comeback during future pandemic lockdowns as a new home office solution.. Fact: Did you know that while people were fleeing their homes, some were still trying to figure out how to Zoom call their friends from a canoe? Priorities!.
• Headline: Impact of Lockdown Delays on Lives. Impact: The revelation that lockdown delays cost lives led to a global obsession with time management, resulting in the rise of planners that promised to keep you on track—unfortunately, they were mostly used to schedule Netflix binges.. Fact: Fun fact: If you lined up all the lives lost due to mismanagement, they would stretch around the Earth... but unfortunately, they wouldn't be able to get back to the timeline where they were saved..
• Headline: Flour Frenzy: Britain's Pandemic Baking Boom. Impact: The flour shortage in Britain sparked a new trend of baking sourdough bread, which subsequently led to a wave of Instagram influencers claiming to be 'home bakers'—a title previously reserved for grandmothers everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the loaves of sourdough bread made during the pandemic, they would reach the moon? Just kidding, but you'd definitely need a bigger pantry!.
• Headline: China’s ‘Crude Oil Treasure’ Promised Riches. Now Investors Owe the Bank.. Impact: The fiasco with China's 'Crude Oil Treasure' investment taught a valuable lesson about trusting banks that promise riches. This eventually led to an underground movement of investors forming a club called 'The Poor Investor's Society', where they swap tips on how to lose money gracefully.. Fact: Did you know that in China, the phrase 'crude oil treasure' is now used as a euphemism for bad investments? Kind of like saying 'this will be a great date' when you really mean 'I hope I survive'..
• Headline: For Spy Agencies, Briefing Trump Is a Test of Holding His Attention. Impact: Trump's intelligence briefings became a test of patience, leading to the creation of a new psychological game called 'Guess What Trump Will Forget First', which became wildly popular at parties and led to a spike in therapist appointments.. Fact: Fun fact: The average attention span of a goldfish is longer than Trump's during those briefings, making goldfish the new go-to for intelligence gathering..