MAY 9, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ahmaud Arbery's Death and Police Accountability. Impact: The outcry over police conduct sparked a nationwide demand for police reform, leading to the establishment of a secret society of citizens who now patrol neighborhoods with nothing but a whistle and passive-aggressive signs.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'to protect and serve' was initially meant as a suggestion, but somehow became a mandatory tagline?.
• Headline: Election Battle Over Virus Death Toll. Impact: The battle over the virus's death toll created a timeline where every election season now involves scientists debating on national television, leading to a new reality show called 'America's Next Top Epidemiologist.'. Fact: Fun fact: In the future, scientists will be asked to run for office just to avoid debates about facts. Who knew facts could be so controversial?.
• Headline: The Grapelord of Napa Faces a Threat Worse Than Plague. Impact: The saga of the Grapelord resulted in Napa becoming a theme park where visitors can get 'grape-ified,' ensuring that the wine industry is more about experience than actual wine—until the authorities intervene for health reasons.. Fact: Did you know that in an alternate timeline, wine enthusiasts started worshiping Andy Beckstoffer as a grape deity, leading to mass grape sacrifices?.