APRIL 24, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Australia and New Zealand's Virus Elimination Strategy. Impact: If Australia and New Zealand successfully eliminate the virus, it leads to a global trend of 'virus-free islands' where everyone suddenly wants to be a castaway. Cue the rise of reality TV shows featuring 'Survivor: Virus-Free Edition.'. Fact: Did you know that Australia's idea of 'eliminating the virus' could only work if they also eliminate all the kangaroos? Those bouncy creatures have a knack for spreading chaos!.
• Headline: Hotel Isolation Mishap in New York City. Impact: The four deaths from the hotel isolation fiasco kickstarted a series of public health reforms, leading to strict guidelines that eventually inspire a new reality show: 'Quarantine Survivor: Hotel Edition.'. Fact: Fun fact: No one thought putting recovering virus patients in hotels was a bad idea... until it literally became a deadly game of 'Hotel California.'.
• Headline: Americans Turn to China for COVID Gear. Impact: As Americans scramble for gear from China's elite, a secret underground market emerges, leading to a future where bartering with N95 masks becomes the new currency. Forget Bitcoin; it's all about the masks now!. Fact: Did you know that turning to China for gear was the equivalent of asking your ex for help? Spoiler alert: It rarely ends well!.
• Headline: Guerrilla Golfers Sneak Onto Greens Closed by Pandemic. Impact: The rise of 'guerrilla golfers' leads to a nationwide movement where people start sneaking into closed parks, leading to the invention of the new sport: 'Extreme Hide and Seek'!. Fact: Did you know that half of all golf courses shut down made way for the rise of 'guerrilla golfers'? Because clearly, risking your life for a round of golf is the new normal!.
• Headline: ‘I Like It, Actually’: Why So Many Older People Thrive in Lockdown. Impact: The resilience of older New Yorkers during lockdown sparks a global trend where seniors become the new influencers, leading to a boom in 'Grandparent Fitness' programs and a resurgence of bingo tournaments.. Fact: Ironically, older people thriving in lockdown just shows that they’ve been training for this their whole lives. Who knew staying home was their secret superpower?.