APRIL 17, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: China's Economic Contraction Shocks Global Markets. Impact: China's economic shrinkage sent shockwaves through the global market, leading to a series of unfortunate events—like the rise of artisanal bread-making as people sought solace in carbs. By 2025, sourdough became the new currency in hipster circles.. Fact: China's economy had been growing for nearly fifty years! Talk about a long run—it's like the economy was in a marathon, and then suddenly decided to take a nap at the finish line..
• Headline: Gates Faces Right-Wing Backlash Amid Pandemic. Impact: Bill Gates becoming a right-wing target inadvertently sparked a series of conspiracy theories that led to a massive increase in the sales of tin foil hats. By 2022, a new trend emerged: 'Gates-gate' parties, where people gathered to discuss bizarre conspiracy theories over homemade lemonade.. Fact: Gates has been a target for conspiracy theories for years. Who knew a guy trying to save the world could also be the poster child for bizarre fantasies about viral world domination?.
• Headline: Pandemic Impact on Apartment Renovations. Impact: The halting of renovations led to a nationwide boom in DIY home improvement shows. By 2023, people were building treehouses, creating fortresses out of old pizza boxes, and calling it 'art.'. Fact: Renovation interruption is just a fancy way of saying: 'Congratulations, your house is now a museum of poor decisions and unfinished projects!'.
• Headline: When Even Amazon Is Sold Out of Exploding Kittens. Impact: The chaos of sold-out Exploding Kittens resulted in a black market for cute cat-themed games. By 2023, a new underground economy emerged: trading plushies for obscure board games, proving that desperation knows no bounds.. Fact: Who knew that the apocalypse would be marked by a shortage of cat-themed games? Next time, stock up on your favorite board games before civilization collapses..
• Headline: Why We Don’t Know the True Death Rate for Covid-19. Impact: The struggle to determine the true death rate of Covid-19 led to an explosion of online epidemiology courses and self-proclaimed experts. By 2024, everyone suddenly became a 'virus whisperer' and recommended home remedies involving garlic and essential oils.. Fact: The true death rate remains a mystery, but one thing's for sure: the ability to debate statistics from the comfort of your couch skyrocketed during this time..