APRIL 14, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Corporate Earnings Offer Economic Insights. Impact: If only companies had revealed their earnings earlier, perhaps the butterfly effect could have prevented the rise of overly optimistic memes about the economic recovery, leading to a collective delusion of prosperity in 2022. Thanks, corporate earnings reports!. Fact: Did you know that corporate earnings releases are like the Oscars for businesses? Everyone pretends to care, but deep down, they’re just waiting for the inevitable drama..
• Headline: Obama's Strategic Influence on Biden's Primary Endgame. Impact: Obama's engagement in the primary was like tossing a pebble into a pond; the ripples might just reach 2024, where a new generation will wonder if they should be excited or terrified about their political choices.. Fact: Fun fact: Politicians love to keep their distance until it’s time to take credit. It’s like they’re playing political hide-and-seek, but they never really want to be found..
• Headline: Challenges of Abortion Access in Texas. Impact: As women drive hundreds of miles for basic healthcare, the ripples of this struggle could inspire a future where the phrase 'my body, my choice' becomes the rallying cry for a generation that refuses to be silenced.. Fact: Did you know that Texas has more cows than people? Looks like they prioritize cattle rights over women's rights. Moo-ving priorities, right?.
• Headline: Peter Beard Still Missing, Weeks After Disappearing on Long Island. Impact: The mystery of Peter Beard could lead to a resurgence of interest in unsolved cases, inspiring a new wave of amateur detectives with too much time on their hands and a penchant for conspiracy theories. Thanks, Peter!. Fact: Fun fact: Peter Beard was known for his wild lifestyle and larger-than-life photography. If he wanted to disappear, he sure picked a dramatic way to do it—just like his art!.
• Headline: ‘This Is Going to Kill Small-Town America’. Impact: The devastation of small-town America could lead to a future where urbanization becomes the norm, spawning a new generation of hipsters who think they invented country living—spoiler alert: they didn't.. Fact: Did you know that small-town America has seen more comebacks than a washed-up pop star? But with the pandemic, it's like they’ve been given a one-way ticket to obscurity. Yikes!.