APRIL 13, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bob Iger's Return to Lead Disney's Future. Impact: When Bob Iger decided to leave Disney, he inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to an entire generation of children believing they could actually trust their leaders. Now, they’ll need therapy.. Fact: Did you know that Disney once considered making a movie about a talking thermometer? It was shelved after they realized it wouldn’t sell any merchandise..
• Headline: NFL Adjusts Marijuana Policies for Players. Impact: The NFL's newfound acceptance of marijuana has created a ripple effect, leading to the rise of 'couch players' who now consider watching games while high a legitimate sport. Expect the first Couch Olympics in 2030.. Fact: Did you know that before this policy change, the NFL had more players suspended for weed than for actual crimes? Talk about priorities!.
• Headline: Apollo 13’s Astronauts Survived Disaster 50 Years Ago. Could It Happen Again?. Impact: The survival of Apollo 13 inspired countless space missions, yet ironically led to the creation of 'Mission Impossible'—because who doesn’t want to watch a heist on the moon now?. Fact: Did you know that Apollo 13's famous line 'Houston, we have a problem' was almost 'Houston, we have a slight inconvenience'? Guess they decided to go with the drama!.
• Headline: Missives From My Locked-Down Friends, From Siberia to Samarkand. Impact: Locked-down friendships became a trend, paving the way for future generations to believe that virtual friendships are as meaningful as the ones where you actually remember to shower. Welcome to the age of 'social distancing' socialites!. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends more time online than they do sleeping? No wonder we all have such vivid dreams of socializing!.