APRIL 6, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cuomo Brothers: Trust and Media Turmoil. Impact: In a world where trust in the media plummeted, the Cuomos became the unlikely darlings of the American public. This led to the rise of other celebrity politicians who realized that if you can’t beat the media, you might as well join them—by charming the pants off everyone with a well-timed smile and a meme-worthy catchphrase.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, people will trust a cat influencer more than an entire news network? Cats, it seems, are inherently more trustworthy..
• Headline: Impact of COVID-19 on Sports Betting Industry. Impact: The closure of sports betting venues led to a spike in online betting and fantasy leagues, resulting in a new generation of couch potatoes who consider themselves 'athletes' because they can name every player on their fantasy team. This eventually led to the creation of a professional league for competitive couch-sitting.. Fact: Fun fact: In an alternate reality, couch-sitting is an Olympic sport. Gold medals are awarded for the longest uninterrupted binge-watching session..
• Headline: Unexpected Crisis for European Banks. Impact: The financial crisis triggered by the pandemic caused banks to reconsider their approach to risk, leading to the rise of overly cautious financial advisors who now suggest hiding your money under the mattress. This sparked a boom in mattress sales and a national obsession with 'safe' investments.. Fact: Did you know that in a future where this crisis was taken seriously, people began investing in goldfish instead of stocks? Turns out, fish make better financial advisors..
• Headline: Young Adults, Burdened With Debt, Are Now Facing an Economic Crisis. Impact: The economic crisis hit young adults so hard that it forced them to innovate in ways their predecessors never imagined. This led to the rise of 'side hustle' culture, where everyone became a part-time influencer or barista, creating a bizarre economy where every art class had a corresponding Instagram account.. Fact: Did you know that in a few decades, side hustles become so mainstream that 'being a full-time adult' will be considered a radical career choice?.