MARCH 23, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Danai Gurira Discusses Michonne's Future. Impact: If Danai Gurira had not been 'amazed' by The Walking Dead, perhaps she would have chosen to star in a romantic comedy instead. This would have led to a complete collapse of the zombie genre, resulting in an alternate universe where love-struck zombies roam the earth, awkwardly reciting poetry instead of munching on brains.. Fact: Did you know that Michonne's katana was originally a prop from a low-budget ninja movie? Talk about a character upgrade!.
• Headline: Matt Jones Roasts Mitch McConnell in Kentucky. Impact: Matt Jones' roast of Mitch McConnell sparked a nationwide trend in political comedy tours, leading to a hilariously chaotic election cycle where candidates were forced to perform stand-up routines instead of debates. Who needs policies when you can just tell jokes?. Fact: Fun fact: Mitch McConnell once tried to start a band called 'The Senate Serenaders' but couldn't find anyone willing to play the kazoo..
• Headline: U.S.-China Tensions Amid Mask Shortages. Impact: The U.S. needing masks from China inadvertently led to a global fashion trend where masks became the must-have accessory, resulting in a future where runway models strut their stuff in bedazzled face coverings, sparking a new era of haute couture.. Fact: Did you know that the first masks were actually invented to protect doctors from the stench of their patients? A real 'nose' for innovation!.
• Headline: Spit On, Yelled At, Attacked: Chinese-Americans Fear for Their Safety. Impact: The fear faced by Chinese-Americans during this time led to a secret society of culinary ninjas who trained in the art of dumpling defense. This eventually resulted in an underground movement that popularized dumplings as the ultimate comfort food, making them a symbol of resilience.. Fact: Did you know that dumplings have been around since the 1600s? Talk about a timeless delicacy that can withstand the test of societal breakdown!.
• Headline: As Coronavirus Surveillance Escalates, Personal Privacy Plummets. Impact: The escalation of surveillance during the pandemic laid the groundwork for a dystopian future where privacy became a rare commodity, leading to a black market for personal secrets. People began trading their embarrassing childhood stories for a moment of peace.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'surveillance' comes from the French word meaning 'to watch over.' So, it’s basically the snoopy neighbor of words!.