MARCH 21, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Companies Respond to Crisis with Cash Support. Impact: The generous cash handouts from companies created a bizarre ripple effect where suddenly everyone believed that 'money grows on trees.' This led to a worldwide shortage of actual trees as people started digging them up, convinced they would sprout bills.. Fact: Did you know that companies giving away cash is like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound? It makes you feel better for a second, but the underlying issues are still lurking around, ready to strike!.
• Headline: Understanding the Coronavirus Recession Effects. Impact: This recession set off a chain reaction of 'living at home' influencers who decided to monetize their boredom. Now, we have a generation of professionals skilled in the fine art of procrastination.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'unrecognizable' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Everything is going to hell, but we’ll pretend everything’s fine!'.
• Headline: The Downfall of Bernie Sanders' Campaign. Impact: Bernie Sanders' campaign collapse led to the rise of countless memes depicting him as the 'ultimate underdog.' Ironically, it created a whole new genre of comedy that thrives on failure. Thanks, Bernie!. Fact: Did you know that political campaigns are like reality shows? One wrong move, and you're out! Or in this case, just stuck with a bunch of memes..
• Headline: An Olympic Showdown: The Rising Clamor to Postpone the Tokyo Summer Games. Impact: The push to postpone the Tokyo Summer Games caused a worldwide shortage of Olympic-themed merchandise, leading to a black market for overpriced sportswear. Who knew sweatbands could be so valuable?. Fact: Did you know that postponing the Olympics is like trying to hit pause on a speeding train? Good luck with that, I.O.C.!.