MARCH 18, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Biden's Victory Sets New Political Landscape. Impact: Biden's sweeping victories sent shockwaves through the political landscape, causing a butterfly effect that led to an unexpected resurgence of interest in knitting as a political statement. Who knew yarn could be so partisan?. Fact: Did you know that in 2020, the average American spent more time arguing about politics than actually understanding it? Shocking, right?.
• Headline: Elders Facing Isolation During COVID-19. Impact: As elders faced isolation during the pandemic, their sudden lack of social interaction sparked a global trend in online bingo games, which ultimately led to the rise of virtual reality bingo championships. Who knew bingo would be the next esports?. Fact: Did you know that loneliness can be as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? So much for those 'social distancing' fitness plans!.
• Headline: Bernie Sanders Has No Realistic Chance to Win. Some Democrats Say, ‘It’s Over.’. Impact: Sanders' dwindling chances prompted a wave of existential crises among his supporters, resulting in an unexpected increase in therapy dog adoptions. Apparently, nothing says 'hope' like a fluffy companion.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, hope is often just a fancy word for 'let's see how much we can ignore reality?'.
• Headline: This Is the Only Way to End the Coronavirus Financial Panic. Impact: The government’s proposal for bridge loans inadvertently led to the invention of a new finance-themed board game called 'Bridge to Nowhere,' which became an overnight sensation. Because nothing screams fun like financial panic!. Fact: Did you know that financial panics often lead to the creation of more ridiculous ideas than actual solutions? It’s like a bad reality show, but with more spreadsheets..