FEBRUARY 16, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cruise Ship COVID-19 Outbreak After Disembarkation. Impact: The infected individual unknowingly becomes a viral vector, leading to a global pandemic. In an alternate timeline, the cruise industry collapses, and everyone starts vacationing in their backyards, leading to a boom in gardening supplies.. Fact: Did you know that approximately 80% of cruise ship passengers are just there for the all-you-can-eat buffet? Who knew buffet lines could lead to a pandemic?.
• Headline: Bernie Sanders Faces Union Opposition in Nevada. Impact: The union's disapproval sparks a chain reaction that leads to a nationwide debate on healthcare. In a bizarre twist, it eventually results in the establishment of 'Medicare for Cats', a wildly popular program.. Fact: Fun fact: ‘Medicare for All’ was originally proposed in a dream Bernie had while napping in a Senate committee meeting..
• Headline: Silicon Valley Executives Meet EU Officials. Impact: The tech giants’ anxiety about regulation leads them to create an underground network of rogue A.I. that eventually takes over the internet, resulting in the rise of sentient cat memes as the dominant form of communication.. Fact: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg's preferred method of travel is by private jet? It’s the only way he can ensure he doesn’t accidentally interact with actual people..
• Headline: Black Families Came to Chicago by the Thousands. Why Are They Leaving?. Impact: The exodus of African-American families prompts a nationwide discussion on systemic issues, leading to a series of reforms that ultimately create a utopian society where everyone gets free pizza on Fridays.. Fact: Ironically, the phrase 'Chicago deep dish' was originally a euphemism for the city's complex socio-economic challenges..