JANUARY 21, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Michael Sheen's Compelling Role in Prodigal Son. Impact: Michael Sheen's portrayal of a serial killer dad somehow leads to a nationwide trend of people naming their children after fictional psychopaths, resulting in a generation of children with names like Dexter and Norman. Thanks, Hollywood!. Fact: Michael Sheen’s ability to separate his roles from reality is so impressive, even his houseplants have started to act normal..
• Headline: Protecting Our Freshwater Megafauna. Impact: As the freshwater giants decline, the rise of the 'Mighty Miniscule' trend takes hold, leading to a bizarre movement where people adopt microscopic pets. You can thank the dying megafauna for your new pet amoeba!. Fact: Some freshwater giants are so large, they could easily take a bath in your local swimming pool. Too bad they’re on the endangered list!.
• Headline: Bloomberg's Apology and Its Consequences. Impact: Bloomberg's apology creates a ripple effect where politicians start apologizing for everything, leading to a bizarre world where 'sorry' is the most common word in the political lexicon, and apologies become the new currency.. Fact: In the future, people will have to take an 'Apology 101' class just to run for office. Sorry, not sorry!.
• Headline: The Test a Deadly Coronavirus Outbreak Poses to China’s Leadership. Impact: The deadly coronavirus outbreak leads to an unexpected surge in the sales of hand sanitizer and face masks, resulting in an alternate timeline where the global economy is driven entirely by germaphobes.. Fact: In 2020, the world learned that washing hands was optional for most. Thanks for the reminder, coronavirus!.
• Headline: Trump Focuses on Economy at Davos, Seeking a Counter to Impeachment. Impact: Trump’s Davos speech about the economy inadvertently inspires a new genre of motivational memes that depict financial advice from the most unlikely sources, including cats and potato chips.. Fact: Davos became the go-to place for politicians to avoid their problems, proving that even in luxury, procrastination is universal..