NOVEMBER 20, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: White House Infighting Escalates Dramatically. Impact: As the White House started eating its own, it inadvertently inspired a wave of reality TV shows where politicians roast each other. This led to the rise of a new genre: Political Cook-Offs, where candidates literally grill each other on stage. Imagine debates turning into BBQ shows. Deliciously chaotic!. Fact: Did you know that the last time a president went full cannibal on their own administration, it resulted in a national food truck craze? No? Well, neither did they..
• Headline: Kids' Meals Shift Towards Sustainability. Impact: The decision to hold the toy from the Whopper Jr. sparked a nationwide movement of children protesting for their right to fun. This led to the Great Toyless Meal Riots of 2021, where kids wielded crayons as weapons of mass distraction.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time a meal came without a toy, it came with a side of disappointment instead. Seriously, kids take their toys very seriously..
• Headline: Urban Wildlife: Soda Can Raccoon & Murder Cat. Impact: The rise of urban wildlife influencers, such as Soda Can Raccoon and Murder Cat, led to a new social media platform called 'Crittergram,' where animals became the new celebrities. Raccoons are now vying for Oscar nominations for their roles in dumpster diving.. Fact: Did you know that Pizza Rat was actually offered a record deal? Turns out, his management was just a bunch of hungry pigeons..
• Headline: What Happened to the Stolen Gold Toilet?. Impact: The mystery of the stolen gold toilet sparked an international heist genre renaissance, leading to a wave of 'Toilet Heist' films. This eventually culminated in a blockbuster starring George Clooney and a toilet that could talk.. Fact: Fun fact: This toilet was worth more than your average college degree. And just like that degree, it seems to have disappeared without a trace!.
• Headline: Grammy Nominations 2020: Lizzo, Billie Eilish and Lil Nas X Dominate. Impact: The Grammy nominations turned into a cultural reset, leading to a bizarre trend of award shows featuring only the most bizarre acts, including interpretive dance renditions of tax codes. Who knew accounting could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that Lizzo once played the flute while simultaneously running a marathon? Well, she didn't, but wouldn’t it be entertaining if she did?.