OCTOBER 25, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Monumental Debates in New York City. Impact: As New York squabbles over who gets a statue, a butterfly flaps its wings in the future, leading to an influx of meaningless statues across the country. Soon, everyone’s got a monument in their backyard—welcome to Monument Madness!. Fact: Did you know that the first statue ever built was of a goat? Just kidding, it was probably a dude on a horse. Because, of course..
• Headline: Culinary Cannabis Comes to West Hollywood. Impact: The opening of a marijuana restaurant creates a culinary revolution that leads to the establishment of 'high' cuisine. Five hundred years later, chefs are awarded Michelin stars for their ability to pair THC with truffles.. Fact: Did you know that culinary experiments with cannabis date back to ancient India? So, technically, your 'high' dining experience is just a very old tradition!.
• Headline: Exploring Janis Joplin's Life Journey. Impact: Janis Joplin's biography inspires a new generation of artists to embrace their inner pain, leading to a surge of sad songs that make people cry in public. The tears become the new currency of emotional expression.. Fact: Did you know Janis was once rejected from the University of Texas for being 'too unique'? Yeah, the world wasn't ready for her fierce individuality… or her voice..
• Headline: Pentagon, With an Eye on China, Pushes for Help From American Tech. Impact: The Pentagon's tech demands lead to a chip shortage that causes a global crisis, ultimately resulting in everyone switching to abacuses and stone tablets for communication. Welcome to the Stone Age 2.0.. Fact: Did you know that the first computer chip was invented in 1958? It was a simpler time when chips were just snacks and not the source of geopolitical tension..
• Headline: Alyssa Milano, Celebrity Activist for the Celebrity Presidential Age. Impact: Alyssa Milano's attempts to stay relevant lead to a bizarre trend where celebrity endorsement becomes the primary qualification for political office. In the future, the reality show 'America’s Next Top President' becomes a hit.. Fact: Did you know that celebrity politicians have been around since at least the 1940s? When will we learn that just because they can act, doesn’t mean they can govern?.