OCTOBER 17, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Witnesses Break Silence in Trump Impeachment. Impact: As Trump’s impeachment blockade crumbled, it sparked a nationwide surge in DIY political commentary, leading to a boom in YouTube channels where armchair historians dissect the political absurdity of the day. Who knew that a little discourse could lead to so many cat videos on political theory?. Fact: Did you know that 'kangaroo court' was actually coined in the 1850s when a bunch of marsupials tried to settle their disputes? Just kidding, it was used to describe unfair trials, but wouldn't it be fun to imagine actual kangaroos in suits?.
• Headline: Broadway's Musical Adaptation of Percy Jackson. Impact: The Broadway adaptation of ‘The Lightning Thief’ led to an unprecedented rise in Greek mythology-themed TikTok dances, which in turn caused an uptick in Greek yogurt sales as the youth attempted to channel their inner demigod through snacks.. Fact: Did you know that the original Greek gods were never this overdramatic? They just threw lightning bolts and left the theatrics to the mortals—clearly, they didn't have Broadway..
• Headline: Boris Johnson's Brexit Challenges Begin. Impact: Boris Johnson’s struggle in Parliament after the Brexit deal created a new genre of political comedy that would influence the next generation of stand-up comics, resulting in countless future jokes about politicians that never seem to get old. Who needs a punchline when you have reality?. Fact: Did you know that 'taking back control' is the British equivalent of 'Let’s just wing it!'? Because clearly, that’s how all great decisions are made..
• Headline: Why Don’t Rich People Just Stop Working?. Impact: The question of why rich people don’t just stop working triggered a global existential crisis, leading to an increase in self-help seminars and a surge in online courses about 'How to Find Fulfillment Beyond Your Yacht'.. Fact: Did you know that the wealthiest people often have a secret fear of boredom? It’s true! Apparently, being rich isn't just about money; it’s about keeping the boredom at bay with 17 homes and 3 private jets..