OCTOBER 9, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: MoMA's Transformative Expansion: Growth vs. Essence. Impact: The expansion of MoMA led to the creation of an art movement that inspired thousands of hipsters to wear berets and sip overpriced lattes while pondering the meaning of life. If only they knew the true meaning was just to enjoy the ambiance.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more expansive than MoMA's new gallery space is the number of opinions you’ll hear about modern art? Spoiler: they’re all pretentious..
• Headline: Future Teen Stars Live on TikTok. Impact: The rise of TikTok stars created a new wave of influencers who now dictate fashion, music, and even the price of avocado toast. Thanks to them, the world is now a playground of choreographed dances and questionable life advice.. Fact: Did you know that TikTok is actually an ancient term for 'time travel'—as in, it can make you lose hours of your life in just a few swipes? Welcome to the future, where attention spans go to die!.
• Headline: Amazon's Shift in Film Strategy Explained. Impact: Amazon's shift in film strategy meant that millions of viewers were left to ponder the deep philosophical question: 'Why do I have Prime if I can’t watch a good movie?' This led to a global crisis in streaming expectations.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Late Night’ became the movie equivalent of a 'thank you for participating' ribbon? Next time, maybe they should just send out popcorn instead..
• Headline: Turkey Launches Offensive Against U.S.-Backed Syrian Militia. Impact: Turkey's offensive against the U.S.-backed Syrian militia inadvertently sparked a series of diplomatic debates that could fill volumes, ultimately leading to a new genre of political memes that no one asked for.. Fact: Did you know that international relations often resemble a game of chess played by toddlers? One wrong move and suddenly everyone’s throwing tantrums over who gets the last cookie..