SEPTEMBER 28, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring 'The Irishman' and Its Themes. Impact: If Martin Scorsese had never made 'The Irishman', Hollywood might have been overtaken by reality TV stars as the pinnacle of cinematic achievement. Who knew that mobsters, with their penchant for betrayal, would inadvertently save us from an era dominated by Kardashian-style mediocrity?. Fact: Did you know that Robert De Niro once spent an entire week perfecting the art of not blinking? It’s a skill that comes in handy when you’re trying to look serious while contemplating your mobster’s life choices..
• Headline: Controversy Over Shasta Dam Enlargement. Impact: David Bernhardt's decision to raise the height of the Shasta Dam could lead to a series of environmental disasters, which will ultimately spark a movement for time travel. Years from now, we'll look back and wonder how a lobbyist's greed led to a desperate quest to fix the past.. Fact: Did you know that lobbying is just a fancy word for 'I’ll pay you to ignore the science'? It’s like a game of Monopoly but with real-life consequences and zero chance of passing 'Go'..
• Headline: Debbie Harry's Uncertain Memoir Release. Impact: Debbie Harry’s memoir could inspire a new genre of literature: 'Unreliable Memoirs'. Future authors might rely on the same disclaimer, leading readers to question every autobiography ever written. Thanks, Debbie, for keeping us guessing!. Fact: Did you know that Debbie Harry once casually claimed to have invented the internet? Well, she didn't, but wouldn't it be more interesting if she had? Talk about a real 'Tide is High' moment!.
• Headline: C.E.O.s Are Not Here to Save Us. Impact: The realization that C.E.O.s are not here to save us may lead to an uprising of the common folk, eventually resulting in a new political party: 'The Average Joe Party', where the main platform is simply pizza and naps.. Fact: Did you know that the average C.E.O. makes 300 times more than the average worker? That’s right, while you’re struggling to find spare change, they’re out there contemplating which yacht to buy next..
• Headline: How a Tuxedoed Sommelier Wound Up Homeless in California. Impact: The story of a tuxedoed sommelier turned homeless serves as a cautionary tale that could spark a new wave of empathy among the wealthy elite. In the future, maybe they’ll think twice before buying that third private jet.. Fact: Did you know that the average bottle of wine can cost more than a day's worth of food for some people? It’s a fun fact that really puts 'wine and dine' into perspective, doesn’t it?.