SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ed Buck Arrest: A Predator Exposed. Impact: Ed Buck's heinous actions led to a series of laws aimed at protecting vulnerable communities. Fast forward a couple of decades, and we now have an entire section of the law dedicated to ensuring that no one can exploit a 'party house' without facing consequences—unless you're the Kardashians, of course.. Fact: Did you know that having a 'drug house' is not like having a pet house? You can't just adopt a few illicit substances and call it a day. It's a little more complicated than that..
• Headline: Fukushima Disaster Trial Acquittals Explained. Impact: The acquittals of the Fukushima executives sent shockwaves through corporate governance, leading to a rise in the 'No Consequences Club' where members gather to celebrate their immunity to accountability. Membership includes exclusive access to the 'We Didn't Do It' T-shirts.. Fact: Did you know that the Fukushima disaster was so bad that even Godzilla thought twice before returning to Japan? It was a real game-changer for kaiju tourism..
• Headline: Far Left Activists and Labor Unions Clash. Impact: This little spat in New York may have sparked an underground movement that eventually led to the rise of 'stealth activism,' where influencers communicate via cryptic memes instead of actual protests. Thanks to this, your feed is now 90% animal photos and 10% political commentary.. Fact: Did you know that 'red-baiting' is not a fancy new cooking technique? It's actually a way to accuse someone of being a communist, which is just as archaic as it sounds, and frankly, a bit boring..
• Headline: Has Banksy Monkeyed Around With His Parliament of Chimps?. Impact: Banksy's monkey business may inspire future artists to collaborate with animals, leading to a bizarre trend of cats painting abstract art in cafes. We're just one viral video away from 'pawsitive' change in the art world.. Fact: Did you know that Banksy once shredded an artwork right after it was sold? Talk about a commitment to making art 'uncollectible'—the ultimate anti-capitalist statement!.
• Headline: The Dolphins Are Awful. Brian Flores Is Fine.. Impact: Brian Flores’ struggle with the Dolphins may have inspired countless future coaches to meditate on the philosophy of 'just keep swimming,' leading to a new wave of Zen coaching techniques. Who knew football could be so... tranquil?. Fact: Did you know that the Dolphins have been so bad that even their mascot has filed for unemployment? At this point, they might need a lifeguard more than a coach..