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HEADLINES ON September 18, 2019
Full News Archive
- Headline: Netanyahu Faces Uncertain Political Future. Impact: If Netanyahu had lost decisively, a butterfly flapping its wings in Jerusalem could have led to a peace treaty with the Palestinians by 2025. Or, you know, just another round of karaoke night at the Knesset.. Fact: Did you know that Netanyahu has served as Prime Minister so long, he’s basically the real-life version of a sitcom character who just won’t leave the show?.
- Headline: Trump’s Trustworthiness on Iran Questioned. Impact: Trump's inability to be consistent has led to a world where people now debate if 'trust' is just a literary device. Spoiler alert: it is.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than Trump's tweets is a toddler with a sugar rush and a live microphone?.
- Headline: Jewish Summer Camp With Campfires, Crafts and No Lights Out. Impact: Thanks to these camp weekends, we could soon see a resurgence of Jewish summer camp nostalgia, leading to an increase in awkward adult reunions and questionable decisions.. Fact: Did you know that the last time 'no lights out' was a thing, it was called 'the 80s' and we used to call it 'freedom' instead of just 'regrettable choices'?.
- Headline: Pompeo Calls Attacks on Saudi Arabia ‘Act of War’ and Seeks Coalition to Counter Iran. Impact: Pompeo’s declaration could lead to a new reality series: 'Coalition Wars: The Fight for Oil.' Spoiler: everyone loses.. Fact: Did you know that calling something an 'act of war' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's not get too cozy with diplomacy'?.