SEPTEMBER 16, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shifting Antitrust Perspectives at UChicago. Impact: This shift at the University of Chicago is like dropping a pebble into a pond. The ripples eventually get to Congress, where they decide to hold a committee meeting that lasts longer than a family reunion, setting the stage for antitrust laws that treat tech giants like toddlers in a candy store - without supervision.. Fact: The University of Chicago might want to consider a new slogan: 'Where prices are king, but market dominance is the jester.'.
• Headline: Netanyahu and Liberman's Torn Political Alliance. Impact: The ugly breakup of Netanyahu and Liberman could spark a trend among world leaders to air their dirty laundry publicly, leading to televised therapy sessions that become the next reality TV hit. Who knew politics could be so juicy?. Fact: In Israel, political love/hate relationships are as common as falafel stands. It's basically a national pastime..
• Headline: Two Lifetime Crooks Wait for a Missing Daughter, With Shades of Beckett. Impact: The existential thugs of Barry's novel inspire future generations of criminals to become poets, leading to an unexpected boom in artistic crime. Suddenly, graffiti artists are just misunderstood Shakespearean actors.. Fact: Existentialists may ponder the meaning of life, but it seems these thugs just ponder the meaning of their next bad decision..
• Headline: Trump Urges ‘Big’ Rate Cut as Fed Faces Challenges. Impact: Trump's call for a rate cut sends shockwaves through the economy, leading to a future where interest rates resemble a rollercoaster and economists are the new rock stars. Brace yourself for the 'Fed Tour'!. Fact: When it comes to rate cuts, it's like asking for a bigger slice of cake – everyone wants it until they realize they also have to deal with the calories of a recession..