SEPTEMBER 14, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Kim Gordon's New Chapter. Impact: If Kim Gordon hadn't left New York for Los Angeles, the hipster revolution might have been delayed by at least a decade. Imagine a world where artisanal avocado toast was still a myth and not a brunch staple!. Fact: Did you know that Kim Gordon is not just a musician but also a fashion icon? Because nothing says ‘I’m a serious artist’ like wearing a vintage band tee while sipping a soy latte..
• Headline: Women Rise as Mines Close in Kentucky. Impact: The shift in Letcher County's labor force prompted a nationwide trend of women entering the workforce. Who knew that the collapse of coal could spark the rise of female empowerment? Talk about a plot twist!. Fact: Interestingly, the women of Letcher County became so effective that they could probably run a mine blindfolded. But alas, they were too busy breaking glass ceilings instead..
• Headline: California Lawmakers Rally Against Trump Policies. Impact: If it weren't for Trump, California might still be stuck in a time loop of beige policies. Instead, we got a technicolor rainbow of liberalism that ironically has made California the poster child for progressive ideals—something Trump probably didn’t see coming.. Fact: Did you know that California’s liberal agenda is so sweeping it could probably clean up the mess left by a toddler with a paint set? But sure, let’s blame the other guy..
• Headline: Why Does Everything Smell, So Peacefully, of Lavender?. Impact: The lavender craze led to an unexpected surge in essential oil sales, resulting in a world where everyone now believes they can cure their problems with a few drops of lavender. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work for existential dread.. Fact: Lavender was once used to ward off evil spirits. So next time you light a candle, remember: it could be the difference between a peaceful evening and a ghostly visitation!.
• Headline: Two Major Saudi Oil Installations Hit by Drone Strike, and U.S. Blames Iran. Impact: This incident escalated tensions in the Middle East, leading to a series of political chess moves that would make even the most seasoned game theorist dizzy. All thanks to a couple of drones that could probably be built by a dedicated teen in their garage.. Fact: Interestingly, this drone strike set off a flurry of memes about oil prices. Who knew geopolitical strife could also be a source of internet humor?.