SEPTEMBER 12, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Israel's Identity Crisis in Upcoming Elections. Impact: This election debate sparked a centuries-long philosophical divide that eventually led to future generations of Jews arguing over everything from bagel toppings to the definition of 'authentic' Jewishness. Who knew voting could lead to such culinary chaos?. Fact: Did you know that 'How Jewish Should the Jewish State Be?' was almost the title of a sitcom about a rabbi and his talking menorah? It was rejected, possibly for being too spicy..
• Headline: Mystery of '80s Fashion Uncovered. Impact: The dumpster of forgotten fashion slides became a time capsule that inspired future hipsters to rummage through thrift stores, leading to the modern vintage clothing craze. Thus, thousands were saved from wearing sweatpants in public while also unknowingly funding the next big trend.. Fact: Fun fact: Those slides were later used as a secret weapon in fashion shows, proving that even garbage can become high fashion, just like the 80s themselves..
• Headline: E.C.B. Stimulates Eurozone Amid Recession Concerns. Impact: The E.C.B.'s actions led to a rollercoaster of economic policies in Europe, where every subsequent decision was just a game of 'hot potato' with the continent's finances. Spoiler: the potato was rotten.. Fact: Did you know that the E.C.B. once considered hiring a fortune teller to make their economic predictions? Turns out, she was just as accurate as most economists..
• Headline: Trump Administration Rolls Back Clean Water Protections. Impact: The rollback of clean water protections created a world where people began to appreciate bottled water more than ever, inadvertently boosting the plastic industry and leading to future environmental crises. So, thanks for that!. Fact: Did you know that before this decision, water was just water? Now it’s a luxury item, just like avocado toast, thanks to governmental 'priorities'!.
• Headline: Misha Nonoo, Close Personal Friend of Meghan Markle, Speaks. Impact: Misha Nonoo's comments solidified the idea that royal friendships come with a side of secrecy, leading to future scandals that would make the Kardashians look like a family reunion. This ultimately resulted in a new genre of gossip columns.. Fact: Did you know that Misha Nonoo once designed a royal gown that accidentally turned into a Halloween costume? Talk about a 'treat' gone wrong!.