AUGUST 24, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Economic Strategies Raise Global Concerns. Impact: If Trump had just kept his mouth shut, we might have avoided the wild stock market swings and a generation of economists developing anxiety disorders. But here we are, with a trade war that has everyone wondering if they should invest in gold or just canned beans.. Fact: Did you know that Trump's tweets could probably be classified as a new form of economic stimulus? The markets react faster than a cat to a laser pointer..
• Headline: Ballet Is for Everyone, Even Boys. Impact: Lara Spencer's comments may have inadvertently sparked a global movement advocating for boys in ballet, leading to a world where future male dancers become the new rock stars. Watch out, Justin Bieber!. Fact: Fun fact: Ballet has been around since the Renaissance—so really, Spencer is just 400 years late to the party. But hey, better late than never, right?.
• Headline: Lead Contamination Crisis in Newark. Impact: The Newark water crisis might just be the catalyst for a nationwide movement toward better infrastructure and more responsible leadership. Or, it could just make everyone more paranoid about their tap water—cheers to that!. Fact: Did you know that lead poisoning can actually make people more aggressive? So, thanks Newark, for contributing to the rise of 'road rage' and 'that guy in the meeting who just won't stop yelling.'.
• Headline: Why Doesn’t Anyone Want to Live in This Perfect Place?. Impact: The decline of these 'womyn's lands' could now serve as a cautionary tale for future utopian projects. Spoiler alert: pinky-swearing doesn’t solve all world problems!. Fact: Did you know that the concept of a ‘lesbian utopia’ inspired a lot of sitcoms in the '90s? Too bad it didn't come with an instruction manual on how to attract new members!.
• Headline: Trump Asserts He Can Force U.S. Companies to Leave China. Impact: Trump's assertion might just lead to a full-on economic dance-off between the U.S. and China. Who knew that national security could turn into a game of corporate musical chairs?. Fact: Did you know that the last time a president tried to use a 1977 law for such a stunt, people were still using flip phones? Look how far we've come—or perhaps, how far back we could go!.