AUGUST 17, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Final Days of Jeffrey Epstein. Impact: Epstein's demise in that Manhattan jail sent ripples through the elite social circles, leading to a dramatic increase in conspiracy theories about who might be next on the list to 'disappear' and consequently, a spike in tinfoil hat sales worldwide.. Fact: Did you know that Epstein had a penchant for collecting bizarre art? One can only imagine the conversations his artwork would spark at dinner parties—'Ah yes, nothing says 'trust me' like a life-sized statue of a pedophile in your foyer.'.
• Headline: The Evolution of Nude Art Over Decades. Impact: The shift in attitudes towards nudity led to a renaissance of body positivity, resulting in a long line of awkward family reunions where everyone awkwardly discussed their 'natural' states of being.. Fact: Fun fact: nudity has been a hot topic since the dawn of time! Ancient Greeks had it down; they didn't even need swim trunks to hit the beach. Talk about confidence!.
• Headline: Exploring California's Hidden Swimming Holes. Impact: The obsession with swimming holes in California inspired an underground movement of urban explorers, resulting in a surge of Instagram influencers who risk life and limb for that perfect 'I'm in a hidden paradise' shot.. Fact: Did you know that the average Californian spends more time searching for the perfect swimming hole than deciding on a career? Priorities, people!.
• Headline: How the Recession of 2020 Could Happen. Impact: The looming recession of 2020 sent shockwaves through the stock market, creating a domino effect of panic-buying toilet paper and hand sanitizer—no one could have predicted how essential those would become.. Fact: Did you know that economists were shocked to find that the most resilient stock was actually Charmin? Turns out, people are more bullish on their bathroom habits than their 401(k)s!.
• Headline: A Year of Stock Market Fury, Signifying Nearly Nothing. Impact: The stock market's wild swings became a national pastime, leading to an influx of armchair investors who thought they could outsmart the system, ultimately resulting in a reality show called 'Who Wants to Be a Day Trader?'. Fact: Fun fact: the phrase 'stock market fury' is actually just Wall Street's way of saying, 'We have no idea what's happening, but let's pretend we do!'.