AUGUST 9, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate on Transparency in Political Funding. Impact: If we had a dollar for every time a political donor's name was dropped, we’d have enough to fund a third-party candidate who actually has a chance. This event set the stage for future political debates where transparency becomes a buzzword, right before someone shoves a bribe under the table.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'it's not what you know, but who you know' was actually coined in a smoke-filled room during a fundraiser?.
• Headline: Exploring Love and Loss in ‘Sea Wall/A Life’. Impact: The emotional weight of 'quiet tragicomedies' inspired a new genre of therapy where people just sit in silence and contemplate their life choices, leading to a booming industry of self-help books and awkward therapy sessions.. Fact: Fun fact: Tom Sturridge and Jake Gyllenhaal’s performances are so moving that it's said they can make even a rock cry - though the rock usually just blames climate change..
• Headline: Pork Processing Speed Limit Proposal. Impact: As the pork industry pushes for more slaughtering efficiency, it inadvertently sparks a culinary revolution where people begin to question if 'pork' is just a euphemism for 'never-ending nightmare.' This leads to an explosion of plant-based diets and a rise in veganism that makes tofu sales skyrocket.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'going hog wild' originally referred to factory farms that were way too wild about their slaughtering speeds?.
• Headline: Téa Obreht Follows Up an Acclaimed Debut With a Visit to the Old West. Impact: Téa Obreht’s foray into the Old West rekindles interest in cowboy culture, leading to a resurgence of cowboy hats and spurs among hipsters who have never actually ridden a horse. This creates a new niche market for artisanal saddles.. Fact: Did you know that camels were once considered the ultimate 'cowboy' transport before everyone decided horses were just a little more Instagram-friendly?.