AUGUST 1, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Biden Faces Growing Opposition in Campaign. Impact: Biden's rivals attacking him sparked a series of debates that eventually led to a nationwide obsession with political soundbites, resulting in an entire generation thinking that 'malarkey' is a viable argument in any discussion, from politics to pizza toppings. Fact: Did you know that 'malarkey' was originally a term used by Irish immigrants for nonsense? So, really, Biden just brought a little bit of history into modern debates!.
• Headline: Biden's Debate Comeback. Impact: Biden's underwhelming performance was the catalyst for countless memes and late-night comedy routines, which in turn caused an influx of voters to favor candidates who could make them laugh—leading to a bizarre future where stand-up comedians are elected as governors. Fact: Fun fact: 'Fine' is actually a lot like a participation trophy in politics. Congrats, you showed up!.
• Headline: What America Gets Wrong About Tracy Flick. Impact: Tracy Flick's portrayal as a villain in 'Election' led to a cultural shift where ambitious women are often demonized in media, ultimately resulting in a future where every female character with goals is labeled a 'femme fatale'—because who doesn't love a good cliché?. Fact: Tracy Flick is basically the blueprint for every overachieving woman in film. So, if you feel judged for wanting to succeed, just remember: you might be villainous too!.
• Headline: Ron Howard and Brian Grazer Want to Be the Center of the Streaming Era. Impact: Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's move towards streaming signaled the decline of traditional media, inadvertently setting off a chain reaction that led to a future where everyone thinks they can become a director, resulting in an endless stream of low-budget horror movies about haunted Zoom calls. Fact: Imagine Entertainment has produced movies that literally made billions, yet here we are, stuck on streaming platforms with reality TV shows about people making sourdough. Progress, huh?.