JULY 31, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate Tensions: Sanders vs. Warren. Impact: The battle between Sanders and Warren over 'fairy tale' promises leads to a time loop where future politicians begin using Disney characters as metaphors for their policies, resulting in a bizarre election where candidates dress as princesses and villains to appeal to voters.. Fact: The real fairy tale was hoping politicians would actually keep their promises. Spoiler alert: they don’t..
• Headline: Revisiting Basquiat’s Defacement Impact. Impact: Basquiat’s ‘Defacement’ sparks a global movement where every artist suddenly feels the need to 'reframe' their work, leading to a bizarre era where abstract paintings are labeled as 'emotional landscapes' and sold for millions, despite looking like they were created by a toddler with a crayon.. Fact: Basquiat once said, 'I don’t think about art when I’m working. I try to think about life.' So, no, he probably didn’t have a toddler in mind..
• Headline: Democratic Debate on Health Care Controversy. Impact: The ferocious debate over health care sends shockwaves through time, resulting in future debates being held in gladiatorial arenas where candidates must literally fight for their policies, leading to an unexpected resurgence of the Coliseum as a political venue.. Fact: If only they fought as hard for actual healthcare as they do for their political egos, we might have a healthcare system that works..
• Headline: Brexit and Boris Johnson Send the British Pound on a Slide. Impact: Boris Johnson's antics during Brexit create a paradox where every time someone mentions the British Pound, a new Brexit-related meme is spawned, causing the currency to become the punchline of a global joke that lasts for decades.. Fact: The British Pound doesn’t just slide; it moonwalks away from economic stability every time Boris opens his mouth..
• Headline: Hunting for the Real Pasta all’Amatriciana. Impact: The quest for the real Pasta all’amatriciana ignites an international food war, leading to a future where chefs compete in an Olympic-style event for the title of ‘Pasta King,’ complete with gold medals and a lifetime supply of marinara.. Fact: In Italy, ‘pasta’ is a term of endearment. So, eating five versions in four days? You’ve officially entered a committed relationship with carbs..