JULY 22, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Halladay's Legacy Honored in Cooperstown. Impact: Roy Halladay's legacy inspired a new generation of players to pursue dreams of baseball excellence, inadvertently leading to a significant uptick in youngsters named Roy—statistically proven to be 87% more likely to become sports stars.. Fact: Did you know that Halladay was so good, he made baseball look easy? Which is probably why most of us still can’t hit a home run off a tee..
• Headline: California's Fire Prevention Measures This Summer. Impact: The anxiety over wildfires led to an unexpected boom in the sale of marshmallow roasting sticks and s'mores kits, because nothing says 'I fear the flames' like a good campfire treat.. Fact: Did you know that California's solution to wildfires is to pay for them? It's like giving your credit card to a pyromaniac—what could possibly go wrong?.
• Headline: Price of Views in Manhattan. Impact: This purchase sparked a trend where rich Manhattanites began to price every view, leading to a bizarre reality where people were paying $5 million for a glimpse of a pigeon.. Fact: Did you know that in Manhattan, views are worth more than some people's life savings? But hey, at least you can see the sun set—if you squint past the skyscrapers..
• Headline: Why Has Language Changed So Much So Fast? ‘Because Internet’. Impact: The evolution of language due to the internet paved the way for new dialects and memes, ultimately leading to the rise of a generation that communicates exclusively in emojis—because why use words when you can use pictures of fruit?. Fact: Did you know that 'because internet' isn't just a phrase? It's a legitimate explanation for why your grandparents are starting to text you in acronyms that even you don't understand..
• Headline: Politicians Tackle Surprise Bills, but Not the Biggest Source of Them: Ambulances. Impact: Ignoring ambulance bills led to the creation of a new political party: the 'We’re Not Surprised' party, which solely focuses on unexpected costs and how to avoid them—with little to no success.. Fact: Did you know that ambulance rides can cost more than a trip to the moon? At least the moon has a nice view, right?.