JUNE 19, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Racial Disparities at Adidas Headquarters. Impact: The sidelining of Black workers at Adidas led to a secret society of disgruntled shoemakers who, over generations, conspired to create the world's most uncomfortable footwear. Their revenge manifested in the form of crocs, which are now a global sensation.. Fact: Adidas was originally founded by a German cobbler in 1924, who probably never imagined his shoes would one day be at the center of a diversity debate. Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: Fed Considers Rate Cuts Amid Economic Risks. Impact: Trump's potential rate cut sent shockwaves through the economy, inadvertently inspiring a new breed of economists who argue that 'cutting rates' is just a euphemism for 'giving everyone free money.' Spoiler: They were wrong.. Fact: Interest rates have been so low for so long that some people have started to think they are a new breed of mythical creature, like unicorns. Spoiler alert: They don't exist..
• Headline: Blackberry Farm's Mountain Wellness Retreat. Impact: Blackberry Farm's takeover of a mountain has led to an unexpected surge in people mistaking hiking for merely walking to the fridge while sipping overpriced smoothies. Nature is now officially on the rocks!. Fact: The concept of a wellness retreat often includes the phrase 'mindfulness,' which apparently doesn't extend to the mindlessness of drinking in a wellness setting. Cheers to irony!.
• Headline: Saudis Called Khashoggi ‘Sacrificial Animal’ as They Waited to Kill Him. Impact: Khashoggi's tragic fate sparked global outrage, leading to a new international trend of 'sacrificial animal' as the go-to euphemism for any dissenting voice. It's now a popular phrase in diplomatic circles – who knew?. Fact: Jamal Khashoggi was known for advocating for freedom of expression, which, ironically, was what ultimately cost him his life. A tragic reminder that some voices are silenced far too soon..
• Headline: Inclusion Rider? What Inclusion Rider?. Impact: The inclusion rider concept, while noble, resulted in Hollywood's elite becoming so confused that they started demanding 'inclusion' in their rider contracts for everything from coffee to emotional support llamas.. Fact: Frances McDormand’s call for inclusion riders was so powerful that it made Hollywood executives scramble in confusion, much like a cat who accidentally stepped on a keyboard..