APRIL 22, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Taylor Mac's Comedic Sequel 'Gary'. Impact: If Nathan Lane and Kristine Nielsen had opted for a more traditional Shakespearean cleanup, we might have seen a rise in the popularity of janitorial arts and Shakespeare-themed cleaning services. Imagine a world where 'Hamlet' comes with a side of mop and bucket!. Fact: Did you know that the original 'Titus Andronicus' was so bloody that it made a chainsaw massacre look like a picnic? Talk about raising the bar for theatrical gore!.
• Headline: Kanye West's Spiritual Revival at Coachella. Impact: Kanye's Sunday Service could have led to a global spiritual revival, but instead, it just made every aspiring influencer think they could create a holy brand. Fast forward to 2030, and we might just have a 'Gospel of Instagram' trending.. Fact: Did you know Kanye once claimed he was the greatest artist of all time? But hey, at least he's consistent; he’s also the greatest at creating crises!.
• Headline: Pharmaceutical Giants and the Opioid Crisis. Impact: The opioid crisis may have started with a few greedy corporations, but now it's a multi-generational saga of bad decisions. Imagine if those companies had invested in kale instead; we might have had a nation of healthy hipsters instead of a crisis!. Fact: Did you know that for every pill sold, there’s a corporate board meeting where they probably toasted with champagne? Because nothing says 'we care' like a party in the boardroom!.
• Headline: Hello, Little Microbe. Doesn’t This Jacket Look Yummy?. Impact: If microbes start eating our clothing, we might soon see a new fashion trend where people wear outfits made entirely of 'microbe food.' Forget high fashion; it's all about low maintenance and low hygiene!. Fact: Did you know that scientists are now considering a career change to fashion design? Because who wouldn’t want their clothes to double as a buffet for microbes?.