APRIL 14, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Woods Aims for Historic Masters Win. Impact: If Tiger had actually lost, a group of underperforming golfers might have formed a support group called 'Second Place Society,' leading to a rise in motivational self-help books that would ultimately give the world the next great American novel. Or not.. Fact: Did you know Tiger's swing has been analyzed more times than the average politician's promises? Spoiler: both involve a lot of twists and turns..
• Headline: Gene Editing Controversy Unveiled. Impact: In a twist of fate, gene-edited babies could lead to a future where everyone is super smart, and the only jobs left are 'emotional support human.' The irony will be palpable.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'gene editing' might soon replace 'makeover' in Hollywood. Get ready for reality shows featuring scientists giving genetic upgrades to celebrities!.
• Headline: Pete Buttigieg: The Power of Storytelling. Impact: Buttigieg's storytelling prowess could inspire future politicians to communicate entirely through memes, leading to a world where legislation is passed with a single GIF. What could possibly go wrong?. Fact: Did you know that storytelling is just a fancy term for 'spinning a yarn'? Politicians have been doing it for centuries, and the yarn is getting longer!.
• Headline: Meet the Woman Who Is the ‘Best Thing That Ever Happened’ to ‘Game of Thrones’. Impact: If Bernadette hadn't stepped up, 'Game of Thrones' might have ended with a talking dragon as the main character – a decision that would have changed the course of TV history and led to a spike in pet dragon ownership.. Fact: Fun fact: The real magic behind 'Game of Thrones' wasn't dragons or battles, but rather caffeine-fueled meetings where they decided how to keep fans guessing..
• Headline: Bernie Sanders Accuses Liberal Think Tank of Smearing Progressive Candidates. Impact: Bernie’s accusation could spark a trend of public figures throwing shade at think tanks, ultimately leading to a reality where think tanks are replaced by, I don't know, 'think gardens' where ideas grow and flourish. Or wither. Depends on the gardener.. Fact: Did you know that smearing isn't just for politicians? It's also a popular technique for making a really good lasagna. Just saying..